Eye Contact . . For the Recipients Validation Only

Eye Contact..For The Recipients Validation Only.

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Imagine if you will a quiet world, well ordered as long as everything has its place..

Imagine a warmth, cozy and comfortingly familiar. Your own warmth, just your own.

Now imagine headlights, bright and intrusive as in a winters night, burning and intense. They glare through the warmth and safety you have and push your eyes deep into their sockets until it’s unbearably painful.

Those headlights are someone’s eyes making intense eye contact with yours.

“Look at me!” The mouth beneath the eyes commands. ‘I don’t want to, it hurts…’ You think.

“This is all part of the problem you see?” The voice says to your parents who nod sadly, “Lack of eye contact, THIS we must stamp out. It’s a sign of non compliance, a sign of disregard. The child’s lost you see…?”

‘What?’ You think baffled, I’m right here!’.

Your parents sign a form giving permission for intense applied behavior analysis to begin.

Forty hours a week.

Forty hours of look at me/quiet hands? No more fluttering your hands in a language only you know, no more flapping your hands watching golden drops of happiness fly from your fingertips as you hum…no more angry bolts of lightening flying from your nails as you shake your hands so hard your wrists pound.

No more you.

I’ve realized something today.

Eye contact, who’s it for? It’s for the recipient. It’s for their own validation to reassure THEM that you know THEY exist. That you are aware THEY are speaking that you comply. That you acknowledge THEM.

It’s not about the child, it’s no benefit to the child to do something that in many cases is painful.


It’s for them.

They don’t understand the avoidance of eye contact, the rapidly moving hands, the hum and the bounce of the feet.

The rhythmic rock you employ to comfort, a rock that’s universal if they would only look back to a parent rocking a babe, safety.


“Lines are forbidden”, intones the voice. “They are a sign of the child wanting to control the environment they are in! When he starts to make one mess it up immediately,” your parents nod. “Take back the control.” The voice says smugly.

‘But I need those!’ You think. ‘They help me make sense of, well everything. They make me safe, when everything else is changing I KNOW they are there!’.

The practice of eye contact is not for the child, society has the misconception that if your eyes are not raised when you or another is communicating then you have something to hide.

What if that something is your soul?

What if it’s all you have left in a world that’s to bright, loud and fast? It then makes sense that so many Autistic’s find peace in natural surroundings.

Bird song, rushing water and the swish of wind in the trees is surely preferable to beeping horns, bright reflections on glass and the mindless babble of a hundred conversations at once.

Once words leave a persons mouth where do they go? Do they keep going? As I’m sure many autists hear the echoes of words said long past.


As I know you can’t truly ever know what it’s like to be autistic, to be so comfortable in your own company that a day alone is heaven. Imagine not getting that time, that quiet.

Do not seek to validate yourself through your child, if they do not wish to make eye contact do not force it.

If you do you seek nothing but self service, for the validation that you exist is there in front of you.

Your child.

Validate them. Embrace and champion them. They are not there for your definition, they are there because you made them so.





Autism Acceptance, We Deserve At Least That

Autism Acceptance, We Deserve At Least That

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Autistic, not with autism. That’s the first thing, always the first thing.

The Word Autistic And Its Meaning.

Wording is very important.

And in my opinion:

This person ‘has’ autism.

These people ‘have’ autism.

This child ‘with’ autism.

Implies its external, has been gained and suggests a medical condition.

It’s not a medical condition.

As you can get Cancer and have it.

You can get Pneumonia and have it.

You cannot ‘get’ autism therefore you cannot have it.

You are black you do not have blackness.

You are white but cannot have whiteness.

You are gay but not have gayness.

These are all not a lifestyle they are the persons identity.

I am autistic I cannot take my autism off and put it down, or take a pill to get rid of it as I’m not ill.

As I said earlier it’s not medical, it’s neurological.

To say ‘have’ implies you can also ‘have not’ and remove it and suggests there’s options here…cure.

There is none as Autistic’s are not ill, or diseased or injured.

This person’s autistic.

These people are autistic.

This child is autistic.

It’s not a label, it’s a recognition.

Learn it, it’s not a negative.

Autistic’s need to be noticed that’s true. I will never dispute that. But not being noticed in the way of Facebook posts showing the ‘hero, such a nice boy’ asking the ‘poor autistic girl, so sweet’

To the prom.

Not of parents stating THEY have had a hard day of ‘putting up’ with their child’s meltdowns. That THEY are exhausted after listening to screaming for hours….is the child not exhausted? Not of parents saying they never ever would have wanted this, that they wish desperately they could cure their child’s autism.

Autism, which is not an illness, yet they seem to want to externalise it “My son may HAVE autism but it does not HAVE him!”, they are right it does not. Because the child’s autistic.

This thinking leads to denial and the thought that it MAY be possible to REMOVE that child’s autism”..ludicrous right?!

Sadly not.

There’s a group in case you hadn’t heard, of parents using something called ‘the CD protocol’ on their children…CD stands for chlorine dioxide bleach.

They have all read a book called Healing The Symptoms Known As Autism by a woman named Kerri Rivera.

Kerri is part of a church, a cult basically called Genesis Two. It was created by a man named Jim Humble who has made millions from it. He has touted CD as his creation, MMS, Miracle Mineral Solution/Miracle Mineral Supplement. He claims it can cure AIDS, malaria, autism, cancer, dementia, Alzheimer’s …..everything.

Kerri’s group on Facebook has thousands of members, all using chlorine dioxide water purification on their children and by that I also refer to their adult sons and daughters.

They use it in enemas and oral solutions, sprays and in the bath in the hope that it will eradicate the ‘parasites’ that Kerri claims their children have. She claims they have them in every cavity there is…child’s picking their nose? That’ll be parasites in the nasal passages!

Though anybody with a little common sense would check what they are giving yo their children with a qualified doctor, sadly these parent do not. The results are in the link attached to this piece. Take care viewing. Yet still they continue.


Because they are told that the children violent psychological reactions are ‘herxing’, that the parasites are dying. That the Autism’s leaving and they need, want this SO much that they are willing to watch their children turn yellow. Scream in pain, have seizures, vomit, plead for no more, please? But still they continue.

Their fear, hatred even of autism is prevalent and learned. It’s a fear taught by society, by charities like Autism Speaks who’s infamous can’t commercial ‘I Am Autism’ claims along the lines of…I am autism, I am everywhere and I will claim your child, wreck your marriage and break you financially. I work first and I can’t be seen.l..

Any newly diagnosed child’s parent who’s not properly versed in propaganda and IS unhappy with their child being autistic relates to that. They feel they have been betrayed by their government and want to ‘take their child back’ from this ‘dreadful epidemic’ that’s dragged their child into an oblivion.

So dreadfully tragic that they believe this, and theses are the parents who go on to start the GF/CF diet. The ones who then, if they do not see the results they think they should take that further step believing their child has heavy metal poisoning and began chelation.

They believe they are cleansing their child and then many move onto the CD protocol.

Hate speech is what begins this vicious cycle and installs fear, revulsion and desperation of a supposed seen foe..their own child.

They become their child’s ‘hero’, a warrior fighting autism…fighting an autistic.

This autism awareness month will be hell for autistic people.

We have charities reminding everyone why we should not exist, and fund raising for research to try and make that so. Autism Speaks talk of ‘solutions’ for autism. They are investigating testing in utero, eugenics.

What the fuck does that even mean? Eradication of Autistic’s put simply.

So to those who light it up blue please be aware that AS do not speak for me.

They do not speak for my children.

They speak for THEM.

There is no cure as Autism is not a fault to be fixed, it’s a neurological difference.

They won’t tell you that though, they want your money. And to GET your money they drill in the idea that ABA therapy, a therapy that’s based on compliance with the goal of the child mimicking neurotypical behavior and costs a LOT of money.

The fear of loss of money, of not being able to support a child who clearly needs support and encouragement is terrifying of course, and would be tragic if it was the only option but it’s not. ABA is NOT the only option, hell  its not even the right one!

Speech and language therapy, occupational therapy and anything else that engages your child be it Lego, play or drama therapy will advance and instill confidence and provide gains.

Speech is not the be all and end all as there are other ways to communicate, find the one that works.

Eye contact can be painful to an autistic, please do not force it.

Meltdowns are not to be filmed and shared on Facebook to garner sympathy for the parent.

Simple things, common sense yet these are the mistakes parents are making and then wondering why nothing works, why is the child so frustrated?

Sensory issues are also something that can trigger violent responses, bolting into the road because a glint of sunlight has hit a windscreen, holding their ears and screaming over a motor bike are all things that can be avoided by ear defenders and tint lenses glasses.

Yesterday I went up to London, and an hour after I got home my sensory overload started. It was shockingly painful and lasted from 4pm until the next day with complete intolerance to any light or sound and nausea thrown in.

Included with this piece are the things that triggered it, light on buildings, the patterns on the ground, the grind of the escalator in the train station and of course the roar of the train.












A delayed reaction and a sickening one, how many times have you taken your child out only to have them meltdown when they got home?

Please be aware yes but accept that we are autistic and that we do not need to be saved, we need to be understood.

We deserve that at least.




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